Last updated April 4, 2024
When to use:
Inevitably, you are going to encounter a caller who is stressed, frustrated, or angry. When you do, there are actions you can take to help them and you.
Important reminder:
Always get help if you feel unsafe.
Steps to de-escalate:
Listen actively:
First, start from a place of understanding by listening actively. Ask the caller for details with a simple question like, “Can you tell me a bit more about what’s happened?” Then, give them space to vent their frustrations and burn off the negative energy. As you listen, remove outside distractions, quiet your internal monologue, and pay attention to the caller's words, tone, voice, and expressions. Also, avoid talking over the caller or jumping to conclusions. Just listen and acknowledge the situation with affirmative statements like: “Mmhmm,” “Yes,” and “Go on.”
Gain understanding:
Paraphrase: listen, then repeat back the person's situation to them to demonstrate that you are listening and understanding the issue. Ask open-ended questions (questions you cannot answer with a simple "yes" or "no") to get the caller to share more information and vent their frustration.
Validate:
Validate the caller's experience with an empathetic statement. Imagine yourself in the caller's place and acknowledge the challenge of the situation they are describing or their possible feelings about it.
Respond with the best options and agree on a course of action:
Provide them with options to resolve the issue or concern.
Ask them what option they would like, gain agreement and resolution.
Gratitude--thank the caller:
It can be hard to ask for help, to be vulnerable, and to share their challenges. Thank the caller for the opportunity to help them, their effort, and/or their patience and understanding in the help you are able to provide.
Recognize that this isn't about you:
It can be so hard, but it's important to recognize that while the caller's frustration and intense emotions may be directed at you, it isn't about you. Imagine sitting next to caller and looking at the problem together as opposed to across the caller being looked at as the problem. Hopefully, this reminder helps you approach the interaction through empathy and makes it easier to help.
If a caller goes too far:
Slow everything down:
What we want to do is speak at a lower tempo and lower our voices to have a soothing effect on the call. This creates a calming atmosphere in which a productive and well-mannered conversation can be conducted and keep our own emotions under control. Remembering to breathe can lower our heart rate and help us keep composure.
Interrupt the caller:
Telling the caller to “calm down” will only aggravate the situation. Instead, keep your tone stern but respectful, and explain that you won’t tolerate abuse. For example, “I want to help you with this, but I can’t continue to help if you talk to me like that.” Another example, "This is very difficult to assist you when you are talking/saying things like that."
Give a second warning:
If the first warning is ineffective—but you still feel safe—give the caller one more chance to adjust their language. If you no longer feel comfortable, you can skip this step. For example, “I apologize (name), but if you continue to use this (language or behavior), I will be forced to end this call."
End the interaction:
Like baseball, three strikes and you are out. If the first two warnings don't work, end the call. You can say something like: "I truly understand your concern, but unfortunately, we cannot tolerate the (language or behavior) you are using right now. At this time, I am going to end the call. Thank you."
Notify your supervisor:
After ending the conversation—whether by managing the caller's anger or simply hanging up—let your supervisor know what happened. They can decide appropriate follow-up, if necessary.
Take care of yourself:
Unhook after tough calls. Here are some suggestions:
- Take a moment for yourself: Instead of jumping right into the next call, take a minute to breathe, remove your headset and focus on yourself.
- Reward yourself: While the person was tough, you were able to manage the situation to the best of your ability. Reward yourself with a nice stretch or snack, make a cup of tea or coffee to help release the stress of the call.
- Laugh: Laughter can be the best medicine in certain situations. Sometimes it’s easier to simply laugh off the confrontation once the call has ended instead of harboring hurt feelings or frustration.
- Reach out: Visit with a team member to discuss, talk it out and be able to let go and move on knowing you did the best you could do.